Monday, January 5, 2015

Jesus came into my heart this Christmas and He found a mess to clean up.

Christmas tree at my house in Mexico.
I tried. I really tried to prepare my heart for the celebration of His birth. I wanted to “prepare Him room”. I wanted the room in it to be clean, pure, bright and peaceful…and maybe a little cozy and warm for Him.  After all, isn't it what Advent is all about?

What He found was more of what happens when a family member or friend calls five minutes before making a quick stop by my house for a short visit or to deliver something. Comforter placed atop an unmade bed, shoes and dirty clothes under the bed, table cleared, dirty dishes hiding in the dishwasher…you get it. A quick pickup to hide the mess.

I was more surprised than He was. I thought I had cleaned it up, but, just like my mother did to my teenage bedroom, He swiped His finger through the corners of my heart and showed me where the dust was.

I didn't know I was so full of hatred, resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness.

These four, evil feelings prevented me from fully having a joyful time with my family. I will not go into the details, but members of my immediate family were hurt (emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.) a long, long time ago. I was just a teenager, so I watched from the sidelines without being permitted to say a word. Strong, evil feelings developed and they have lingered in my heart through the years.

All this time I have thought that they were the sinners. I thought that I had a sort of “right” to be resentful, bitter, disrespectful, and unforgiving towards them. My thoughts were so impure and my actions were those of a hypocrite.

On one of the last days spent at home, I was convicted of this sin. Yes, they sinned. But am I not just like them, or even worse?  What if they had already asked for forgiveness and there I was, holding on to all these feelings in my heart?

I thought of God, and of how difficult it was for Him to forgive me. He sent His only Son, and His Son died for my sins, her sins, his sins, your sins and rose again. He died and all of our sins were forgiven.

How can I not?

Cleaning my heart and mind will be like a yearlong Advent. I pray that by Christmas this year, baby Jesus finds a cozy, clean, pure place in my heart and begs His Mamma to stay there.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors… For is ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:12, 14-15

Love,

Gabby

2 comments:

  1. Dear Gabby,

    We are all full of sins and many times I am so sad and trying to banish my fear, but it would come again if I am not asking for forgiveness. Love this post, it made me think about me, about what I am doing wrong.

    Love, Liuba x

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  2. Thank you for being vulnerable like this on your blog. This post is beautiful. :)

    ReplyDelete

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