Thursday, February 28, 2013

My Good Girl.

     This week, I started reading Emily P. Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl: letting go of the try-hard life. 

     In the second chapter, Ms. Freeman talks about her own "overblown and exaggerated" expectation and definition of what being a "good" girl is. As I was reading, I began to think about my own possibly twisted definition of what being a good girl is and my/others' expectations (the author also asks at the end of the chapter).


The Good Christian:

     My definition of being a "good Christian" is one that convicts my heart on a daily basis. When I sit beside the good Christian girl I am supposed to be, she looks nothing like me. She has quiet time with Jesus every morning and/or night. I don't. Sometimes, when the chaos of life doesn't get in the way, I will make time for Him. She reads the Bible every day. To tell you the truth, I want to and I crave it. However, sometimes, watching TV, etc, is more appealing. She wears modest clothing. I do and I hide behind my clothing. You will possibly never see me wear something provocative. I want people to know by my appearance that I am a Christian. A good one, for that matter. Wearing modest clothing to represent that you are a Christian isn't bad or means that you have to look frumpy. However, am I doing it for my sake, for my reputation...or because I truly want Jesus to be what radiates from me? She doesn't ever become angry. I can not tell you how many times during the day I struggle with this. I try. I really do. I want that "gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4). I want people to know and accept me as a good Christian because of my demeanor. She goes to church every Sunday. Goodness. My picture of the good Christian girl sitting beside me is very dissappointed now.

The Good Daughter, Sister and Future Wife:

     I live away from home (due to college and now work) and I call my parents every day. It is an unspoken rule between us. A sense of control for them. We usually have a 15-30 minute conversation. It is usually closer to 15 minutes. She obeys and honors her father and mother (Ephesians 6: 1-2). I remember learning the verse in my very strict private school Kindergarten class. That is what good little daughters were supposed to do and if you felt/did otherwise, you were wrong. Part of me wants to talk and part of me wants to have time for myself. I must confess that most of the time, I call them because I am afraid that they will become angry if I don't. She has good relationships with her siblings. She talks to them and cares about them every day. I live with my sister, so having a "relationship" with her seems easy. Sometimes, it is not. Sometimes I am afraid to ask her questions (she is somewhat a private person), to really know what goes inside her heart. Often, I only ask, "Are you ok?" and a "Yes" will suffice. With my brothers, it is a similar game. One lives at home and the other one is away at college. I often say a quick "Hello" to them on the phone or by Facebook. Sometimes, I feel I am a more "caring" person with my patients and my patients' parents (who tell me their entire lives/problems) than I am with them. She tries hard to become that Proverbs 31 woman. Don't we all good Christian girls want to become that woman for our future husbands? I feel ashamed when I fall short of her. Around the time Greg proposed, he texted me part of that chapter. I felt good. That meant he had seen all my hard work. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25) Truth be said, I am anxious, and sometimes afraid, at the days to come (because I have no control over them).


      I can write a lot about what my definitions and expectations of how a good girl is supposed to be. For your sake, I won't. These expectations are not bad things. Not at all! However, like Ms. Freeman mentions, "...they are misused by good girls...there is so much I believe I should be, there is also much I believe I lack. And so my tendency has been to hide." (pg. 32)

     Hiding is what I do rather than trust and receive the acceptance I have already been given in Jesus.

     Maybe you do, too. He doesn't want yours and my twisted definitions and twisted expectations of who we should be. He doesn't want us because we can cook, clean, bake, wear modest clothing, or go to church on our standards. He wants us to do it out of love for and in Him. He wants to be what radiates about us. He wants us to find our identity in Him - and only Him.

Do you see the man in red? Brave.
     How are you hiding? I would love to hear your thoughts!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well...Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everylasting." Psalm 139: 14, 23-4

Much Love, 
Gabby


2 comments:

  1. THis is so true.... God has definitely been showing me the same thing.

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  2. Thank you for commenting, Jennifer! :-) I enjoy your blog!

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